This poem by T.S. Eliot struck me as it reminds me of my journey with God, before and after baptism.
The first stanza speaks to me of the feelings of disenchantment that I had as I was fearful and aimless before God found me again. It was a period where I asked myself about my purpose in life even though I seemed to have everything that I hoped and asked for.
With baptism, as with the birth of Jesus, it heralded a new stage in life when I begin to see light in the midst of darkness. The change is nothing dramatic, but as I experienced Lent and Easter for the second time, I began to understand that when there is light, there will be darkness. When there is death, there is birth. As Jesus was crucified, Jesus would also be resurrected.
In my daily life as I pray and meditate, I begin to focus my attention on God and His purpose for me. The sins, the flaws, the weaknesses, moments of challenges — these are periods of darkness. As I begin to know myself a little more clearly, I grow to also accept who I am and put my focus on God’s will for me. A little part of me, my Ego, dies each day, a little part of me is born again as I discover my authentic self.
Would I welcome death each day? Yes. Because there is that unmistakable joy in being born again every day as I make the conscious effort to let go and surrender myself to God.
There is no need for pretense. God knows me more than I know myself. In that process of discovering my authentic self, I experience that joy of being free.
I am the Magi, on the journey to meet Christ each day, every minute, every second. May the star of Christ guide me each day, closer to freedom and salvation.
